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"Cherished Moments, Lasting Impressions"
My Blog
Blog
Becoming the Marriage Magi
Posted on December 23, 2013 at 1:00 PM |
“I’ll give you all of
me, and you give me all of you” John Legend promises his love in his latest
wedding song. Although romantically poetic, those of us who have been married
or in a long-term relationship for any length of time know that our best actions
are not always reciprocated in the way that we feel they were given. Take for
instance my most recent experience:
So
there I sat at a busy intersection in the middle of rush hour with an
overheated car, two crying babies, and an impatient five year old. Here I was
trying my best to be the supportive spouse and everything had gone wrong. My
day had gone pretty smoothly, before I found myself at the intersection. I had
managed to clean the kitchen, bathrooms, do three loads of laundry, scrub
floors, all in between nursing the twins. Then at 2:45 that afternoon, my phone
rang. To my annoyance, my husband on the other end of the line, asked me to take
a tuxedo back to the store from a wedding we had attended the previous weekend.
To say that I was miffed is an understatement. Three hours and four jugs of water
for a leaky radiator later, I finally made it back home. I had a very terse speech
prepared for Mike the minute he walked through the door. However, when he
walked in and laid his lunch box on the table, the words refused to come. His
eyes were beyond weary and his arm was bandaged from cutting metal. “Babe,
thanks for taking the tux back for me, you’re the best,” he said. My heart
melted as I realized that he had had an equally challenging day, and if I could
do something to lighten his burden, then I was okay with that.
“Love
your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections” Legend
continues. Sometimes, the imperfections that we thought were endearing as
newlyweds can become downright aggravating as time goes on. But embracing these
“flaws” and giving 100 percent of yourself to their needs is so rewarding,
because there will be times when your spouse is the only one giving 100 percent
of themselves to you. It has been said that people fall into three categories
in every relationship: givers, matchers, and takers. Givers tend to care for the needs of
others, matchers keep score and make sure that they always receive something in
return, and takers contribute nothing to the relationship and their main focus
is themselves. Obviously, the most successful relationship is that of the
giver. Feeling unappreciated and taken advantage of can derail the energies of
the giver. When this happens, talk to your spouse about it (read my post “Five
Ways to Handle Conflict in Your Marriage”).
No relationship can work without both parties
making an effort to give emotionally and physically to the other spouse. Sometimes that means putting your phone or tablet down and just listening or recognizing when your spouse needs a hug. In
short, be there. With the holidays,
just days away and the New Year fast approaching, decide to make a conscious
effort to give yourself completely to your relationship. Marriage is so much
happier that way.
What are some ways that you give to your spouse,
tell me in the comments below?
|
Categories: Marriage/Relationship
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301 Comments
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Reply
Ruth
7:05 PM on December 23, 2013
Esther blow says...
You are such an inspiration!!!!! Thank you
Thanks for reading!

Reply
Ruth
7:50 AM on December 24, 2013
James Griffith says...
You do great work
Thanks so much James!

Reply
Patricia
8:01 AM on December 24, 2013
I wish I had done this 3 years ago. Great advice as always Ruth!

Reply
Ruth
10:18 PM on December 24, 2013
Patricia says...
I wish I had done this 3 years ago. Great advice as always Ruth!
Patricia,it's never too late to make a change. If not in one relationship, then in the next one. Thank you so much for reading!

Reply
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1:59 PM on April 4, 2014
Good stuff indeed. Ultimate result of real love is marriage.

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